Health at Every Size

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have dieted over the years, and after each "successful" weight loss, I have gained back twice as much as the original loss. I discovered the size-acceptance movement in the early '90s and embraced my weight, maintaining it for 10 years, until my doctor discovered sugar in my urine. What followed was a seven-year nightmare of doctors, endocronologists, orders to lose weight, prescriptions of drugs I didn't want to take and a reunion with body hatred and the battle of the bulge. I became obsessed and tortured by my struggle to keep the weight off that I had lost during this time. What started out as a quest for good health resulted in a diet roller coaster like none other I had ridden.

I returned to therapy, met with a nutritionist, consulted my medical doctor, none of whom could give me answers as to why I couldn't lose weight. The harder I tried, the easier it was to gain. I panicked as my weight began to creep closer to the original starting point, which was the highest it had ever been, when the supposed health problems began.

I began to become suspicious of the common prescription of diet and exercise. I read books and spent endless hours on the internet searching for answers. I created a Meetup group for support. It was through one of the members of that group that I was introduced to Linda Bacon's book "Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth about Your Weight."

I finished the book in a couple of days. It was such a good read, and I related to everything she talked about. I soaked up all the information, including the all-important message of size acceptance, something I'd lived and forgotten. The transformation of a diet mentality to self-acceptance, though, began long before I completed the book. I could feel the peace from within, peace I had been seeking for nearly a decade. It isn't my fault. Nobody had every said that before. It had always been my fault. Failure was all I knew when it came to weight, body image, and dieting (despite great success in all other areas of my life). For the first time since the diabetes diagnosis, I feel an enormous freedom from guilt, shame, and failure.

By the way, I controlled my sugar with a change in diet, and it came down after only losing 5 pounds. Back then I (and my doctor) attributed the normal sugar readings with the weight loss, not the change in foods I was eating. Now looking back, after reading this book, I realize it wasn't the weight loss that "cured" my diabetes (for which my doctors claim there is no cure) just as it wasn't the weight gain that caused my diabetes. One of the biggest (failed) motivators of losing weight and keeping it off was the diabetes. I no longer fear gaining weight, and ironically since changing my thinking, the gaining has ceased. For the first time in 7 years, I am maintaining my weight. And the most powerful observation is, by listening to my own body for cues as discussed in the book, I have been eating less, even during Thanksgiving. For the first time in my whole life, I did not stuff myself on Thanksgiving. And it wasn't because I was dieting or trying not to. It was a very natural feeling to stop before that point.

I highly recommend this book to everyone who struggles with a healthy relationship with food, everyone who diets, everyone who has several sizes of clothes on hand, and everyone who wants to be healthy.